The purpose of the present is to not be forgotten in the future. Otherwise what is the point? I'm not one of those people who think "life isn't worth living without a camera around" because the only cameras I see are for security purposes and traffic violations. But I am one of those people who thinks life isn't worth living if you're just gonna forget it all in the end. Smoking as much weed as I have been recently, I've become aware that my lifestyle has both allowed for an increased amount of note-worthy experiences and plagued me with Swiss-cheese memory.
Get it? There are holes.
And part of the reason I keep wanting to start a blog like this and not feel like a tool giving in to an already overly-saturated trend, was because there's a lot of random stuff that happens in life that really gives it color, and that's the stuff I want to remember.
I want to remember yesterday, as mundane as it was, because I flirted with that girl who wanted a cup of water. Because I had one of those off-putting moments when no one can understand what I'm saying even though it sounds like I'm speaking loud enough. And this is an annoying occurrence when you're behind the register asking someone "their name?" and they say "to go." Michelle was in a "tired" mood and I just let that one go. Sara had gone home early, which could have almost been predicted, and so I didn't get to ask her how the rest of her night went after we left the Toad in the Hole on Sunday. My Monday shift is split between the break coverage 3:00 to 5:30 PM and the closing 8:00 to 12:00 shift the same night. Sometimes I hang out with Michelle during that break and we smoke a bowl and download music and whatever. Not yesterday though. No big deal. I had time to write.
And I want to mostly remember leaving work with Rosa and Alyssa. Rosa's this short little adorable Mexican woman with three kids who is going through an awkward separation from her drug-abusing husband. I dropped her off at her apartment because I guess her car is AWOL. Alyssa's a newly-18 year old living on her own--with friends and her boyfriend--who needed a ride out to Rincon Valley to stay at her friend Alex's. I went inside for a while and smoked with Alyssa, Alex, and their friend V and V's boyfriend. Conversation fades first, I think, in the memory of a pot smoker. But I remember V was absent-mindedly playing with a Barbie and we all talked about Barbies and other childhood toys. We talked about Disneyland. We reminisced about Pop-Up Video. We got yelled at for being too loud by Alex's dad, who stumbled up at some point and told us he could hear us from outside.
A small gathering of people in some random bedroom at 12:30 in the morning. It doesn't matter what we talked about. I didn't know anyone but Alyssa, but I felt pretty comfortable joining in conversation and I recall making a couple good jokes. V was this gorgeous Asian girl with very sharp sarcasm. Alex was the bubbly, too-loud, best friend figure that I would catch looking at me in a "I'm on acid and love everyone" way, though that's strictly metaphorical. If you've been on acid, you'd know the look, but I don't think she was really... Anyway, I felt like since Alyssa invited me in without letting anyone know I was coming, I had to up my game and be a little more witty just to make my presence worth their while. You know what I mean? And after I felt like it was a good time to go, I went, and when I was home I stayed up even later with Bryce to play Gears of War and eat frozen pizza. I took a big hit of salvia and went on a temporary drug trip into a place of incredible peace and unity with the universe (not even kidding) and so that was the last of my salvia. Probably a good thing, actually, because I kind of like altering my perception of reality. I kind of like it a lot.
Get it? There are holes.And part of the reason I keep wanting to start a blog like this and not feel like a tool giving in to an already overly-saturated trend, was because there's a lot of random stuff that happens in life that really gives it color, and that's the stuff I want to remember.
I want to remember yesterday, as mundane as it was, because I flirted with that girl who wanted a cup of water. Because I had one of those off-putting moments when no one can understand what I'm saying even though it sounds like I'm speaking loud enough. And this is an annoying occurrence when you're behind the register asking someone "their name?" and they say "to go." Michelle was in a "tired" mood and I just let that one go. Sara had gone home early, which could have almost been predicted, and so I didn't get to ask her how the rest of her night went after we left the Toad in the Hole on Sunday. My Monday shift is split between the break coverage 3:00 to 5:30 PM and the closing 8:00 to 12:00 shift the same night. Sometimes I hang out with Michelle during that break and we smoke a bowl and download music and whatever. Not yesterday though. No big deal. I had time to write.
And I want to mostly remember leaving work with Rosa and Alyssa. Rosa's this short little adorable Mexican woman with three kids who is going through an awkward separation from her drug-abusing husband. I dropped her off at her apartment because I guess her car is AWOL. Alyssa's a newly-18 year old living on her own--with friends and her boyfriend--who needed a ride out to Rincon Valley to stay at her friend Alex's. I went inside for a while and smoked with Alyssa, Alex, and their friend V and V's boyfriend. Conversation fades first, I think, in the memory of a pot smoker. But I remember V was absent-mindedly playing with a Barbie and we all talked about Barbies and other childhood toys. We talked about Disneyland. We reminisced about Pop-Up Video. We got yelled at for being too loud by Alex's dad, who stumbled up at some point and told us he could hear us from outside.
A small gathering of people in some random bedroom at 12:30 in the morning. It doesn't matter what we talked about. I didn't know anyone but Alyssa, but I felt pretty comfortable joining in conversation and I recall making a couple good jokes. V was this gorgeous Asian girl with very sharp sarcasm. Alex was the bubbly, too-loud, best friend figure that I would catch looking at me in a "I'm on acid and love everyone" way, though that's strictly metaphorical. If you've been on acid, you'd know the look, but I don't think she was really... Anyway, I felt like since Alyssa invited me in without letting anyone know I was coming, I had to up my game and be a little more witty just to make my presence worth their while. You know what I mean? And after I felt like it was a good time to go, I went, and when I was home I stayed up even later with Bryce to play Gears of War and eat frozen pizza. I took a big hit of salvia and went on a temporary drug trip into a place of incredible peace and unity with the universe (not even kidding) and so that was the last of my salvia. Probably a good thing, actually, because I kind of like altering my perception of reality. I kind of like it a lot.
So that was last night. And "last night" happens a lot. But like I said, it's the small things I forget first. Even if it was nothing--even if all I did was smoke and talk and laugh--it was still a "last night" when I got to hang out with three new people and share a spontaneous experience with them; a "last night" when I smoked salvia; a "last night" when Bryce's candle went hay-wire and nearly set of the smoke alarms. Little memories I'd probably have forgotten. So small. Yet so important to me.
If I'd been doing this earlier, I'd have captured the memories of river trips, playing pool, going bowling, the Guitar Hero phase, the power-outage, the roller derby, setting off fireworks on the beach, smoking and seeing movies with Kim on Fridays, building Sunday afternoon traditions, hanging out on Danny's porch, finally having a chance to hang out with Alisa outside of work at the Toad where we went with Sara, Adam, and Carissa to celebrate the Toad's first birthday, and whatever else has happened over the past while. I think I would have really wanted to start writing after I broke up with Amy in early June, because that's really when this new chapter started. I'm just about to start my last (fingers crossed) year at Sonoma State and then I don't know what's going to happen after that.
But I don't know what's going to happen tomorrow, do I?
I like that.
If I'd been doing this earlier, I'd have captured the memories of river trips, playing pool, going bowling, the Guitar Hero phase, the power-outage, the roller derby, setting off fireworks on the beach, smoking and seeing movies with Kim on Fridays, building Sunday afternoon traditions, hanging out on Danny's porch, finally having a chance to hang out with Alisa outside of work at the Toad where we went with Sara, Adam, and Carissa to celebrate the Toad's first birthday, and whatever else has happened over the past while. I think I would have really wanted to start writing after I broke up with Amy in early June, because that's really when this new chapter started. I'm just about to start my last (fingers crossed) year at Sonoma State and then I don't know what's going to happen after that.
But I don't know what's going to happen tomorrow, do I?
I like that.
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